So Chicago is divided up in to different neighborhoods, and after being here for about a month, I feel perfectly qualified to give a brief explanation of where their names come from.
Andersonville- Clearly named for Anderson Cooper, hottest of the gray-haired TV reporters.
Uptown- Apparently named as a cruelly ironic reference to what “uptown” means in every other city. Billy Joel wouldn’t have been able to write “Uptown Girl” if he lived in Chicago.
Edgewater- It’s on the edge of the water.
Lakeview- Has a view of the lake. Not sure how, since it’s clearly not on the edge of the water. Maybe you have to live in a high-rise.
Logan Square- Named for Richard Logan. Richard Logan would be identified as the founder of the hipster movement. If any hipsters had the motivation and drive to make a Wikipedia page.
Lincoln Square- I guess this is named for the guy who made Lincoln Logs?
Lincoln Park- Ok, Lincoln Logs are cool, but this guy really doesn’t need two neighborhoods named after him.
Rogers Park- Named for Mr. Rogers. Only part of the city that Rahm Emanuel has no control over, as this part of the city seceded and set up a new colony, under the rule of the tyrannical King Friday.
Wrigleyville- Named for John Wrigley. Not the guy who made the gum. A visionary man who figured out that frat parties really don’t have to stop just because you’ve graduated.
Boystown- No Gurlz Alowd.
Buena Park- Part of a new initiative by the City Council to make sure that Spanish-speakers know that at least one park in this city is good.
The South Side- All this is based on third-party descriptions. The South Side is a vast, war-torn no-man’s-land, where the people who haven’t died from radiation poisoning viciously fight one another in the streets for food and water. A godforsaken wasteland. Never, ever go here.